rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
