Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
