He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
