we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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