dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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