just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
