So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
