Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
