you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
even my farts smell like vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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