Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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