Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
