wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
