It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This house was built for laser tag.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
