His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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