Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
