dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
