You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
