I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
where are my eyebrows?
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