This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
