"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
