the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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