She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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