I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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