piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
