I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
