He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
