Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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