i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize