i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
