Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
