yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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