i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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