That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
