yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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