Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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