you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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