I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
