I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
