I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
