The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
