I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
