haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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