If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
