"it" just moved
Don't make out with my wife yet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
