Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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