He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
