Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was born a porn star she said
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
