i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
