Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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