I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
