It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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