Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
