when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
