The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
