Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
