she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
