Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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