Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize