just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Operation Purity has been aborted
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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