Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
