somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
