i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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