We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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