four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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