Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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