I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize